Musings of a Twiftie

a teen writing for teens

teaser tuesday the second January 19, 2010

Filed under: snippets&samples — maenadwrites @ 8:05 pm

Today’s teaser is something I’m going to have to scrap or save for later, but I still really like it and it’s very teaser-y. I was trying to show-not-tell, and I think I did okay, but afterwards I realized I’m going to have to tell, because I need them to converse about it and whatnot. So, without further ado, here is my teaser!

~~~~~~

—–

“Do you want to hear my story?” she asked again. Not a story, her story. She was going to tell me about herself, what I’d been wondering about ever since I first saw her.

—-

“Yes.”

—-

—–

The proud parents smiled down at their precious new baby. Her mom’s green eyes and his dad’s blond hair. Beautiful.

“Happy Birthday!” they all sang. Everyone was happy for her, she was seven years old. Everything was perfect, and she was happy. Oh so happy.

Lights flashed all around. Red and blue, red and blue. They made her dizzy. Then the people came and they wanted to help her. She was trapped, but unhurt. What happened? Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t say anything, they didn’t move at all. Why? She had dozed off, it was late at night and she was tired. Then there was a loud noise, and the car had jerked her awake. What had happened? The wailing sirens were her lullaby, and blackness came over her again.

Auntie Viola didn’t like her. Cammie didn’t like her. She didn’t like them. But none of them had a choice now.

She was hungry. She was cold. No one cared.

Auntie Viola wanted Cammie to go to college. Cammie wanted to stay with his friends, especially his girlfriend. Auntie Viola always got her way.

“I can’t afford both your college tuition and my brother’s brat,” Auntie Viola said. Then they all went for a long, long drive.

It was so hot. Nothing but sand for miles. Auntie Viola and Cammie had said they’d be back soon, right? Where were they?

There were houses now. Food, she wasn’t hungry anymore. She was okay. She had escaped the scary world Auntie Viola and Cammie had abandoned her in. She like this world, her very own world.

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7 Responses to “teaser tuesday the second”

  1. Kate Says:

    Nice way to compress the story and only hit the important parts without making it boring.

  2. Karla Nellenbach Says:

    nice snip…hit all the important things and left me wanting more

  3. oldpeoplewritingforteens Says:

    Flows well! Nice Snip :D

    ~~~~ Paranormalchick/Annie~~~~

  4. Elusive Says:

    Aw, the poor thing. Also, sounds intriguing. What’s it from?

  5. Amanda Says:

    Very interesting way to give us the backstory! Nice snip!

  6. Angie Says:

    Very intriguing. You made me care for her and hate her aunt all in a very short passage. good job!

  7. This is really interesting! I’d definitely read more!


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